“Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.” – Aerosmith, Amazing
In 2004 I was 26, happily married to the man of my dreams, mother to the sweetest and most beautiful little boy in the world and living the life I had always imagined, a few years short of the white picket fence.
As the saying goes, life can change on a dime, and for me it did. In what felt like an instant I had lost my entire world; my mother, my grandfather, my husband, and my son. My identity, the foundation of everything I believed in had been ripped out from under me and suddenly the story of my life weighed in the fragile balance of a choice.
Lying on my son’s empty bed, screaming to the heavens, “Mercy,” I faced an incomprehensible truth: WHO AM I NOW?
I’ve learned since that unimaginable and heart ripping day that choice is much more than a word. The choice is both a mighty alley and a mighty opponent, a powerful force beckoning to be reckoned with.
Through the following years; after much humility and healing, I have realized I was never a granddaughter, daughter, wife, and mother. Those titles don’t define who I am. Those titles give me an opportunity to share who I am.
So, who am I now? I am the same person I have always been; the creator of my own life and my own happiness – the creator of change.
In 2004, the choice of suicide was a comforting thought. In 2012, looking back that choice would have been the gravest mistake of my entire life. There is no comfort in the effort of becoming the person we want to be, but there is great joy when we let that person in.
I believe that within each of us is a power beyond measure and the strength we hold is too large to fit into a box of titles. A better world is at our fingertips, and the only thing that stands in our way are the choices we make.
My wish for all of us, including myself, is that with whatever life brings to us we never lose hope for creating a life we truly want. There is always hope and there is always a way. May we all be the creators of the kind of life we can’t help but fall in love with.
With love & hope,